


diazepam

by seojiya



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, I know this sucks im sorry, Insomnia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, i dont know why i wrote this, it's almost five am wtf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 00:40:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19240339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seojiya/pseuds/seojiya
Summary: chanyeol promised baekhyun a lot of things before he became his boyfriend. hold his hand when he's sad or anxious, sing him a song when nights are too cruel to let him fall asleep, be his source of strength especially when life gets too hard, and a lot more. chanyeol's doing a great job in fulfilling those promises, so far. but baekhyun knows that his black hole of a heart is too strong and that he can't let it take chanyeol's happiness away, too.





	diazepam

**Author's Note:**

> tw// depression, anxiety, abandonment, unhealthy coping mechanisms
> 
>  
> 
> hello! this is user chokegiwhy on twitter, and as you may know i'm not very good when it comes to writing full length fics like this but i kinda wanna give it a try :) listen to diazepam by turnover before or after reading this-or maybe while reading this. also i'm sorry for this i feel like this kinda sucks fdfsfs you don't have to read it if it's not that interesting ehehe also i suck when it comes to writing smut please bear with me aaaaa it's almost 5am and i just finished writing this :)

 

"your presence would make jongdae happy, baekhyun." chanyeol reaches for his boyfriend's hand, gently squeezing it in hopes of changing his mind. they're on the couch and they just finished watching a movie. well, chanyeol watched and baekhyun spaced out. "he really likes it when you're around."

but baekhyun's mind is fixed and he's too tired to think again and change his decision. he's not going to attend jongdae's birthday party and that's final. nothing could change his mind, not even chanyeol.

"i.. i don't know, chanyeol." he sighs, pulling his hand away from his boyfriend's. "night shift on the 21st."

this doesn't surprise chanyeol anymore, but he's still not used to the feeling he gets whenever baekhyun does that. he  _promised_ to hold baekhyun's hand when he's sad or anxious but recently, whenever chanyeol does it, baekhyun would always take his hand back. 

"again? i thought you're done working graveyard shifts?"

"thought so, too." baekhyun purses his lips. "but they need me there so.."

it is not a complete lie. baekhyun works in a 24/7 coffee shop, and he usually works night shift twice or thrice a week. he used to do night shifts five times a week, but chanyeol wasn't so happy about it. baekhyun tried to stop. he couldn't.

working during the wee hours of the morning and going home when the sun is finally up is more than just a good distraction. once you're back home, you don't have to think of anything else because you'll be too tired and too sleepy to do so. you end up going to sleep only to wake up when the sky is dark. you eat, and then prepare to go to work. then repeat the same thing over again. and again. and again.

chanyeol sighs in defeat before draping an arm over baekhyun's shoulder, pulling him closer so he could kiss his hair. the gesture makes baekhyun smile a little.

"okay." chanyeol tells him. "but if you change your mind.. just tell me, okay? you still have three days, anyway."

baekhyun nods, resting his head on chanyeol's shoulder. he feels his lips again, on his forehead this time. chanyeol's little kisses used to make baekhyun's heart go crazy. it still has the same effect on him now, but it only takes a fleeting second before it's replaced by the feeling of guilt.  _guilt._

chanyeol notices baekhyun's silence so he asks him. "how is it going?"

baekhyun's expecting his boyfriend to ask him this question ever since he caught him sneaking out of their bedroom to move to the couch in the living room a few nights ago. it's because baekhyun can't fall asleep, and even though he doesn't want to admit it to himself or to anyone else, there are nights wherein the couch feels more like home than chanyeol's arms. and that's when the feeling of  _guilt_ washes over him again.

"i'm okay, chanyeol." he lies. and chanyeol knows it.

"you know you can tell me everything, right? baby?"

chanyeol's trying his best for baekhyun, and the latter can see that. but seeing chanyeol like this is making him feel even more guilty. he feels as if he's giving chanyeol a hard time. but maybe, he really is giving him a hard time. he's not so sure.

"i know." baekhyun sighs before he nuzzles chanyeol's neck. "it's just.. i don't know. i'm having trouble sleeping again, and i don't wanna disturb you by my nonstop twisting and turning so.."

chanyeol nods. he knows that what baekhyun's saying is true, and he also knows that it's not just the reason as to why baekhyun chooses the couch over their bed and his arms. the living room is a dark and quiet place. the couch is comfortable enough. it's a place where baekhyun loves to space out, though sometimes the uninvited thoughts come in and mess with his head, and if it gets a bit out of hand, baekhyun's last resort is the pill.

"you can sleep here tonight." he tells baekhyun. "but in case you suddenly feel like you need a hug from me, i'll be in  _our_ room. okay?"

"okay." baekhyun nods, giving chanyeol an apologetic smile.

chanyeol hates it.  _that_ smile. because that's not how baekhyun smiles. that's not his  _real_ smile. and it hurts to know that chanyeol couldn't do anything to bring that smile back.

he tips baekhyun's chin upwards before leaning in for a kiss. baekhyun's lips taste like sugar, probably because of the donuts they ate earlier.

"i love you." chanyeol says when they pull away. "i love you so much, baekhyun. please, don't ever forget that."

baekhyun nods giving chanyeol a light peck. "love you, too. and thank you.. chanyeol."

the older male smiles, giving baekhyun another kiss on his head, before standing up to walk towards their bedroom. "good night, baby."

"night, chanyeol."

he stares at baekhyun one last time before going inside their bedroom. a small sigh escaping his lips when he sees their bed. it really feels weird sleeping there alone, but he wants baekhyun to take his time. he doesn't want to pressure him.

as soon as chanyeol's inside their room, baekhyun turns the light off before lying on the couch. he's alone again.

baekhyun starts to fiddle with his fingers. he  _warned_ him a few weeks before they started dating. baekhyun warned chanyeol that things might get difficult for him, and that he doesn't want chanyeol to suffer along with him, but the older male was too stubborn. baekhyun wanted chanyeol to stop seeing him. he tried to distance himself. he turned chanyeol down whenever he asked him out, he avoided him at school, he pushed him away. he told him he doesn't like him and that he's just wasting his time. but none of those things stopped chanyeol from pursuing him.

chanyeol  _genuinely_ liked him. what's not to like, anyway? baekhyun is a nice guy who played the piano as he sang effortlessly. he's silent, but he smiles the brightest when something makes him genuinely happy. he cares for others more than he cares for himself. he's everything chanyeol wants. so he never stopped pursuing him.

"i.. i don't know if i deserve you, chanyeol." baekhyun told him one night. they were on the swings, and chanyeol was holding his hand. "you're too kind, and too beautiful, too smart, and too.. good for me."

"i don't want anyone else, baekhyun, so stop pushing me away." chanyeol said. "if the things i did for you are still not enough to prove that my feelings are real, then i'll do whatever it takes just to make you believe. because that's the only thing i want, baekhyun. i want you to know how much i.. how much i  _love_ you."

and for the first time in a while, baekhyun felt a tight squeeze inside his chest. "you love me?"

"i do.. and i know you've told me so many times that  _you're not okay_ , that you're going through a lot of things and that things might get hard for you in the future. i hoe you know that those things won't stop me, baekhyun. i'll always be here to hold your hand whenever you feel sad or anxious. i'll sing you a song when the night becomes too cruel to let you fall asleep. i'll be your source of strength when life gets too hard, baekhyun. if you can't bear it anymore, then i'll be there to bear it with you."

chanyeol's words were enough to make baekhyun feel his sincerity. and they were also enough to make him cry. that was also the night he told him  _yes._

baekhyun couldn't stop thinking about it until now. what if he didn't say yes to him? what if he continued to push him away until chanyeol didn't have any other choice but to leave him alone? what if he never went out with him in the first place? he's thinking of these things not because he doesn't love chanyeol but because he loves him with all his heart. he loves him too much that he couldn't bear to see him hurting like this just because of him. what if chanyeol grows tired of sorting him out? of trying to understand him? what if he grows tired and weary until he couldn't take it anymore? what if just like everybody else, he leaves, too?

life's already giving chanyeol a hard time, and baekhyun doesn't want his own problems to bother chanyeol, too. the only problem is that the latter always insists for baekhyun to tell him how he's feeling. what bothers him. what's making him feel anxious and what's making his heart hurt.

maybe he really should  _break up_ with chanyeol.

his parents don't even like him. he only met them twice, and they couldn't even look at him without judgment. that's another thing that makes baekhyun feel even shittier.

_just break up with chanyeol._

he's probably tired of taking care of baekhyun. chanyeol wants a partner, but baekhyun is anything but that. he's a pain in the ass, he can't even find a stable job, and he's own thoughts are starting to suck the life out of him. chanyeol doesn't deserve that kind of partner.

_just break up with chanyeol._

he couldn't even sleep on the same bed as him. he wants to, but he doesn't want to. and that's the most fucked up thing ever. only a fucked up person would let his boyfriend go to sleep alone in  _their_ bedroom that doesn't even feel like it's theirs anymore. it's chanyeol's. baekhyun doesn't belong there.

_just break up with chanyeol._

because chanyeol deserves the best. and baekhyun is clearly not that. even his love for chanyeol isn't enough. he feels like chanyeol is only staying with him out of pity, and baekhyun tries to pay him with love but it's not enough. it will never be enough.

_just break up with chanyeol._

"fuck." baekhyun hisses before sitting up. the digital clock says it's five in the morning.

he stands up, walking towards the bathroom. he opens the medicine cabinet, taking a few pills out of the orange bottle that he wants to discard but couldn't. he takes them with tap water before looking at himself in front of the mirror.

his eyes are bloodshot, the bags under them are dark and heavy, proof that he's not getting much sleep these days. his skin is pale and his lips are dry and chapped. he looks like a walking travesty, and maybe that's what he is. he closes his eyes for a while before taking a deep breath. hopefully, he falls asleep this time. the last three nights were hard, because he couldn't fall asleep even with the pill.

he walks back to the couch before lying back down. he closes his eyes.  _i don't wanna wake up._

there it goes again. the thought that he doesn't want to really think about. but maybe it's not that bad to not wake up. no one's ever gonna miss him anyway, so it's okay to leave.  _but what about chanyeol?_

chanyeol. maybe he'll cry. maybe he'll be sad. but baekhyun's certain he'll find someone else after a while, and that would be a relief, because at least he won't be dating a fuck-up anymore.

baekhyun's mind is tired. as much as he wants it to stop, he can't control his thoughts. they're too much and baekhyun doesn't even know what to do with them. the sun is up and the darkness of the room left, and baekhyun could only wish for the dark thoughts to go away, too.

"baby.. you're still awake?"

baekhyun cranes his neck to the side and he sees chanyeol walking towards him, his hair a mess and his eyelids still droopy. the older male bends down to kiss baekhyun's lips.

"hmm." he hums, pulling chanyeol by the neck so he could kiss him deeper.

chanyeol knows what this means. and if this would make baekhyun feel better, if this would make him fall asleep, then okay. chanyeol's more than willing to give it to him, anyway. he's more than willing to make love to him. he's more than willing to take care of him and his needs. all of it. even this.

he makes him get up from the couch, carrying baekhyun as he made him wrap his legs around his waist, their lips never parting. baekhyun's arms are around chanyeol's neck, while the latter's hands are supporting baekhyun's back and ass. their kiss is slow and tender, not too eager and not too harsh, and chanyeol likes it. he walks back to their bedroom, baekhyun's body pressed onto him. he closes the door behind him using his feet.

"chanyeol.." baekhyun whispers as they pull away for a while.

the younger male's lips are plump and red, and chanyeol wants to kiss him more. he doesn't want to stop.

he lays baekhyun down on the bed gently, making sure his head rests on the soft pillows he's never slept on in a while. chanyeol hovers on top of him, their bodies almost pressing against each other, his waist and legs in between baekhyun's.

"you haven't slept in days and i'm really worried." chanyeol says, sweeping baekhyun's bangs off of his forehead. he looks him in the eye, and as much as baekhyun wants to look away, he can't. chanyeol's eyes are like magnets.

"let's not.. talk about it."

"but when are we going to talk about it?" chanyeol asks. "baby, don't ever forget what i am to you. i am your boyfriend, and you can talk to me. always."

but baekhyun doesn't want to talk about it now. or ever. "just kiss me."

chanyeol sighs and smiles a little before kissing baekhyun's forehead. and then the tip of his nose. and then finally, he crashes his lips onto baekhyun's.

he swipes his tongue across baekhyun's lips, making him part them a bit so chanyeol could slip his tongue in. and once it's inside, warming baekhyun's mouth, he starts to suck it. the kiss starts to get sloppy and messy, drool all over baekhyun's chin, but it doesn't matter. baekhyun could feel chanyeol's hard on, so he places a hand on the latter's ass, pushing him down so he could press on his further. a suppressed moan comes out of chanyeol's lips.

he pulls away, only to leave a trail of wet kisses on baekhyun's jaw and neck. he kisses the soft skin gently before licking and sucking on it. baekhyun's skin is fair as fuck, and it's so easy to leave a love mark on him. "mhmm.. chanyeol.."

chanyeol starts to move on his own, grinding his hard, clothed cock onto baekhyun's own bulge as he nipped on his collarbone. he takes baekhyun's shirt off, discarding it on the floor. he goes for baekhyun's pinkish and supple nipple, sucking it like a baby hungry for his mother's milk. a soft moan escapes baekhyun's lips. his nipples become harder and even more sensitive that he flinches everytime chanyeol's tongue touched them. chanyeol pulls his pyjamas and underwear down as well as baekhyun's boxers as he sucked and licked his nipples.

"already wet for me?" he smirks, his voice dark and full of lust.

he touches the tip of baekhyun's throbbing cock and the younger flinches. chanyeol spreads baekhyun's precum using his thumb, making the latter shiver. "chanyeol, fuck.."

chanyeol hums, kissing baekhyun's bare torso, his hand palming baekhyun's length. up and down. slowly. he's as hard as baekhyun now, and as much as he wants to put it inside the younger's quivering hole, he wants to take his time. this isn't just fucking. this is him making love with the person he adores.

he positions his face in between baekhyun's legs, pushing them upwards so he could see baekhyun clearly and have more space. he starts kissing and licking baekhyun's balls, up and down, and his warm tongue is enough to make baekhyun grip the sheets. chanyeol continues to kiss and lick baekhyun, occasionally dragging his tongue towards his dick, licking up to the tip, making baekhyun go crazy. chanyeol is  _always_ driving him crazy.

"fuck!" he hisses as soon as he felt chanyeol's warm tongue on his hole. chanyeol licks his asshole slowly, a few times before he kisses it. and then he starts to tongue fuck him, and baekhyun chews on his lower lip hard before jutting his ass towards chanyeol's face. he wants to feel him more. he wants chanyeol to drive him crazy. the dark thoughts are starting to disappear, thanks to chanyeol's wet and warm mouth.

chanyeol peppers baekhyun's ass with kisses, warming his dick using his mouth. he bobs his head up and down, his drool all over baekhyun's skin, and the younger's cock is harder than ever. his fingers are tangled on chanyeol's hair, as well. he wants  _more._ this isn't enough.

"chanyeol, fuck me.." baekhyun pleads. "please, fuck the hell out of me and make me forget about the things i've been thinking about the whole night."

so that's what chanyeol does. because he is baekhyun's, and whatever he asks him to do, he'll follow. he grabs the bottle of lube from the drawer, pouring some on his palms. he massages his pulsating cock with lube, and he rubs some on baekhyun's asshole, too. he hovers on top of him, kissing him passionately. he aligns his cock towards baekhyun's entrance, rubbing it slowly. the contact makes baekhyun's cock twitch. it's making him more aroused, and he can't wait for chanyeol to fuck the hell out of him.

"you know how much i love you, right?" chanyeol asks baekhyun when he pulled away.

he stares into his eyes. behind the cold stare, chanyeol believes that the baekhyun he knew is still there. he kisses his forehead as he slowly slid his cock inside baekhyun's tight hole. baekhyun bites his lower lip to stop himself from moaning too loud but it's no use.

"i love you, baekhyun. i really, really love you." chanyeol whispers as he pushed baekhyun's leg upwards.

he thrusts inside baekhyun's hole, slowly, as he kissed his lips. baekhyun's hands are everywhere. one second, it's on chanyeol's hair, then the next it's on his back. he can't help but dig his nails on chanyeol's skin, making the latter groan. he starts to fuck him hard, his thrusts getting rougher and faster, and baekhyun can feel himself stretching with every thrust.

he opens his legs wider, and chanyeol fucks him harder, as he sucked on his nipple while the other's being fondled.

chanyeol flips them over. he sits up on the bed, his back resting on the headboard. baekhyun, on the other hand, is riding chanyeol's cock. he connects their lips and he starts to grind on chanyeol's shaft, his own cock twitching every time it hits a certain spot inside him. chanyeol holds baekhyun's body gently, making him lean backward a little so chanyeol could lick his nipples and his neck while he's riding him.

baekhyun's legs start to quiver when chanyeol started to push his hips upward so he could fuck him more. he's panting now, he's sweaty, and he's about to cum.

chanyeol notices it because his grip on his legs tighten, and his pace quicken as well. he slaps baekhyun's ass, thrusting once more, and that's when baekhyun reaches his high, cum oozing out of his cock. he pants, collapsing on chanyeol who wraps him in his arms.

baekhyun came undone a bit too fast tonight, but it's understandable because they haven't done it in a while.

"tired?" chanyeol asks, kissing his ear.

baekhyun nods, his eyes closed, arms around chanyeol's neck. he's very sensitive, and since chanyeol's cock is still inside his ass, it makes him want to cum once more. chanyeol's too good.

he flips them over so baekhyun's lying on the bed again. chanyeol kisses his eyelids. "i'll be quick.. then you can sleep after this, okay?"

baekhyun nods, letting chanyeol fuck his pulsating asshole. chanyeol does it slowly at first, but as soon as the libido took over, chanyeol went in and out in a fast pace. it's a bit painful, but maybe he deserves it. the pain. chanyeol's in pain because of him so it's only right to feel pain as well.

"baekhyun.." chanyeol groans his name, and then he loses it. he reaches his climax, his cum sputtered all over baekhyun's ass.

he collapses on top of him, panting just like baekhyun. he wants to go back to sleep while cuddling baekhyun but he can't do that. he needs to prepare for work. so he hugs baekhyun for a while, burying his face on the crook of his neck. they choose to not say anything. because sometimes, being wrapped around each other's arms is enough.

chanyeol cleans baekhyun up after a moment. he helps him dress up as well. he's wearing chanyeol's shirt now, and baekhyun can't help but inhale the scent. he smells nice.

"do you wanna eat?" chanyeol asks baekhyun who only shakes his head, eyelids droopy.

"i think i'll be able to sleep now." baekhyun says, a small smile on his face. this makes chanyeol smile as well so he leans down to kiss baekhyun's forehead.

"alright, baby. go to sleep."

 

_

 

it's been days, and baekhyun's still having trouble falling asleep. chanyeol still lets him stay in the living room, but he doesn't forget to make the offer that baekhyun loves to hear.  _in case you miss me tonight, just go to our room. i'll be waiting for you._

baekhyun would smile, because the words are enough to make his heart flutter, but as much as he wants to, he couldn't bring himself to go to their bedroom and sleep beside chanyeol. and it's torture.

most nights, he would cry himself to sleep, because it's easier that way. the pills don't work unless you take more than the prescribed number, and the side effects are too much for baekhyun to handle.

the thought of breaking up with chanyeol still lingers, and baekhyun does his best to push it away. but no matter how much he tries, he can't stop thinking about it.

this is starting to get exhausting.

 

_

 

days turned to weeks. these days, baekhyun only gets an hour of sleep, sometimes two, sometimes none at all.

chanyeol still lets him stay in the living room at night, probably to give him space and time, and he still makes the offer.  _i miss sleeping next to you, baby. but if staying here in the couch would make you feel better then i guess i'll just have to live with it. but if ever you find yourself missing how it feels to be wrapped around someone's arm, the door is open._

but if chanyeol really loves him, why does he let him stay in the living room alone? he's not making any effort. he lets baekhyun endure it all alone.

and baekhyun knows that it's not true. what he's thinking is not true. he knows how much chanyeol loves him, but it's easier to deny the facts and make yourself believe in the lies. that's how you protect yourself. but  _what_ is he protecting himself from? he's not so sure.

everything's going downhill, and baekhyun can't take it anymore. nothing is working anymore. nothing except for chanyeol's words. nothing except for chanyeol's touch. nothing except for chanyeol's voice.

he gives it a shot.

"i really miss you, baekhyun. i'm starting to have trouble sleeping, too.. i hope you come over tonight."

and so baekhyun does. he finds chanyeol lying on the bed, his gaze on the ceiling. "chanyeol.."

he cranes his neck to look at baekhyun, and his straight face suddenly brightens, a big grin showing. he looks so happy to see baekhyun inside  _their_ room.

"i'll sleep here tonight, okay?" baekhyun says, sliding under the cover beside chanyeol.

 

_

 

baekhyun thought it'll be easier to pretend so that's what he started doing.

he started to sleep beside chanyeol again, though he doesn't really sleep. when the clock strikes 4, he slowly gets up from the bed, tiptoeing to the living room. he doesn't want to leave chanyeol alone in their bed, but his conscience is eating him up.

_you're making him suffer, baekhyun._

chanyeol's already going through a lot and baekhyun only adds to his stress.

_just break up with him. it would be easier that way._

the sooner the better. chanyeol deserves someone way better than him. chanyeol would be happier with him.

_chanyeol. chanyeol. chanyeol._

 

___

 

even if baekhyun couldn't sleep, chanyeol's warmth is enough to make him feel a bit better. safe. safe from anything but his thoughts.

so even if baekhyun doesn't want to leave chanyeol's side when the clock strikes four, he still does.

 

-

 

baekhyun can hear chanyeol's sobs from the living room. it's four thirty in the morning. maybe chanyeol woke up and found the other side of the bed empty. maybe he's mad at baekhyun. maybe he's mad at him because he couldn't even stay in the same bed as his boyfriend. maybe chanyeol wants to break up with him.

_let him hate you. it's easier that way._

baekhyun closes his eyes, placing the earpods in his ears and setting the music's volume to the highest. he doesn't want to hear him cry because it's breaking his heart. it will be easier for chanyeol to hate him this way, as well.

 

-

 

_diazepam._

baekhyun takes it every night to treat his anxiety. to sedate himself. to calm him down.

_diazepam._

chanyeol is diazepam in human form. he calms baekhyun down. he holds his hands when baekhyun doesn't look good. he still sings him a song every night even if he knows it won't help baekhyun fall asleep. he's still baekhyun's number once source of strength, but like diazepam, he's also his weakness.

_diazepam._

taking too much might kill him.

 

-

 

chanyeol comes home to an empty house, although it's not totally empty. everything's still in the same place.

baekhyun's mug from this morning is on the sink, unwashed. baekhyun's shirt is lying on the floor. his slippers by the foyer. his clothes still inside the cabinet.

but baekhyun's not there. he's not there.

 

-

 

chanyeol can't stop reading the note baekhyun left.

_i know you're probably sick of always sorting me out_   
_it's like I've always got the taste of orange nails in my mouth_   
_i know you're probably exhausted cause I haven't slept a wink in a week_

what was he thinking? what was baekhyun thinking when he wrote this? what was he thinking the whole time?

_your father doesn't like me cause i'm not into sports_   
_and your mom won't approve because i'm not of the cross_   
_i took an upper before your sister's wedding just to help me pretend_

baekhyun was hurting the whole time, and even if chanyeol promised that he'll be there for him every step of the way, he's not sure if he was able to fulfill that promise. what if he just tried? what if he didn't try harder? what if it wasn't enough?

_i know you always feel you're by yourself in the house_   
_this is the only night this week i haven't slept on the couch. chanyeol, baby,_ _i hope you know it breaks my heart that i'm the reason for your sleeping alone_

is this what baekhyun was thinking all those times? whenever he's alone in the couch? whenever chanyeol would let him stay there because that's what he thought baekhyun needed?

_cause it was always a dream just to know you_   
_sometimes i find i can hardly speak your name_   
_i know one day i'll come home and i'll find you_   
_it's just a matter of time until you break from the strain_

chanyeol doesn't bother to wipe his tears away. he wants baekhyun back. he wants him back in his arms and he once he is, he's never going to let him go. never again.

baekhyun's going through a lot, but instead of fighting with baekhyun, chanyeol let him fight for himself even if he knew that baekhyun won't be able to do it alone. he meant no harm.. he just wanted to give baekhyun time and space, but he didn't try hard enough to figure things out. to help him.

now, does he deserve baekhyun?

_i don't know what i need, i don't know if i'll be there for you._

_and i don't want to go outside, don't want to make it home tonight_   
_if it's not you in my heart.. i don't want to carry it on_

and at the end of the day, it will always be chanyeol.

 

-

 

baekhyun chuckles when his dog, mongryong, does a silly trick. he gives him a treat. the dog wags his tail and baekhyun imitates it.

_it's been a year and a half._

it's been so long, and finally, baekhyun found peace. in a place far away from the city. in a place far away from all the heartbreaks. away from the place that caused him pain.

he looks up when he sees a man walking towards him. "may i help you?"

"does byun baekhyun live here?"

"that's me." baekhyun stands up, smiling.

"ah, i see." the guy smiles before taking something out of his bag. he hands the brown paper bag to baekhyun. "this is for you."

baekhyun signs some paper, and then the postman leaves right after. he furrows his eyebrows as he made his way inside the small house, eyes still on the brown paper bag. his name is messily scribbled on the material, as well as his address, but no sender details. "what is this?"

mongryong barks behind him, and baekhyun can't help but crane his neck backwards to look at his companion, the dog's ears sticking out. a small smile appears on baekhyun's face. "you really remind me of  _him_ sometimes."

he opens the paper bag and is surprised to see a cassette tape inside. who would send him a cassette tape? he takes it out from the bag, carefully assessing it.

and then he sees it, finally. the words messily scribbled on the paper inside the case. he reads the words over and over again. he only knows one person who'd say these words. and baekhyun's still in love with that person. he is his drug. the only drug that could calm him down. the only drug that could make him feel better.

 

_i miss you. and if ever you feel the same.. my door is open for you. you know where to find me._

 


End file.
